Introducing Another New Inconsequential Series: Hung-over Highlights

Okay, I was in the perfect mood to write an entry for Drunken Diaries last night, but it’s not very nice to refuse to hold a trashcan for a vomiting friend in favor of perching at my computer. So in my loyalty to both my friend and fans, I’m starting the sister series: Hung-over Highlights. Like Diaries, I’ll feature actual events from a drunken escapade, only 8 hours later and with lower BAC.

Updating my Facebook status is funny at the time, but it truly becomes hilarious the next day. I got a cold chill when I had 3 people comment on my status this morning and here’s why: I’m pretty good about not getting on the phone or computer and saying/typing/texting something stupid, and I especially don’t forget about it. Well, not exactly the case this morning. What did I update my status to say that elicited the response? This: “Quote of the night: ‘I want to tweet her twat.’ Hahahahahahha what? Totally.” Shit.

Another one of my favorite things about the next morning is the view of the night upon first walking into the kitchen. Here’s the scene: 1 extra large bottle of Sangria Arbor Mist (completely drained of course), 2 empty bottles of Beringer White Zin, 1 cork shredded to pieces, one corkscrew poking out of one shard of cork, last night’s turkey spaghetti splashed all over the stove, one bottle of mint Baily’s polished off, Kaluha next to peach schnapps, puddle of V8 juice on the floor, some unrecognizable crumbs on the last available knife which is also stained with some pinkish liquid, three boxes of crackers: club, saltines, ritz, advil bottle, wet washrag, and a partially emptied bottle of water. It just reminds me that great ideas after 3 bottles of wine (baily’s mint followed by a pineapple rum/v8 splash/peach schnapps concoction anyone?) don’t appear nearly as genius the next morning. Oh, and did I mention the pillow in the bathroom?

Reminiscing the previous night’s events is miles funnier than any Will Ferrell movie: I mentioned a friend with quite the upset stomach due to a few of our great ideas. Vomit is not fun for anyone, but it happens sometimes. Like the great person that I am, I won’t allow a friend to sleep at the brim of my toilet. So after the wave has appeared to pass, I help drag said friend to bed and place a trashcan at the edge. Everything seems cool so I go to brush my teeth and get ready for bed. Well, coming back into my room is a different picture as I see this friend half rolling off the bed while clutching the trash can. But this morning is where the really funny part comes into play. We recall this point of the night and what I said at that moment: “Oh guess I moved you a bit too early, eh?” Ah, witty logic even in stupor. Laughing our asses off.

That’s it for this first entry. I have to say that Drunken Diaries are more fun for me, but this is a humorous experience all the same.

On a side note, I believe I’ll be the only sober one hanging out amongst a gaggle of drunks this evening. I may be inspired to create yet another series. Something along the lines of Sober Smash should do it. P.S. apparently I think all these diaries dealing with alcohol sound better with alliteration. Hmpf. Oh well, it’s catchy.