Nights at the movies are a basic staple of college life. Some Fridays I can’t wait to go out and blow some money from my minimum wage job. But like with many other activities that I’ve described, there are certain expectations I have for this occasion. Let’s discuss this in the most awkward way possible. Here’s theater etiquette—Ten Commandments style:
1. I am a paying customer of the theater, who expects to have a great movie experience because it was $8. You shall not piss me off.
2. You shall not bring hordes of droning friends whose purpose is none other than to aggravate me by using a cell phone, or by giggling, or by whispering, or by kicking my seat. For I, the ruler of the theater, can be a real ass-hat, calling out everyone who spites me, and show no mercy to anyone who is a jerk.
3. You shall not make fun of my laugh, or the timing of my laughter, for I will turn and shoot you a dirty look through the gap in the seats.
4. Remember the silence, keep it holy
5. Honor the space between the seats and the capacity of the theater.
6. You shall not kick the hell out of my seat.
7. You shall not play tonsil hockey in a loud fashion.
8. You shall not steal my concessions.
9. You shall not ruin the end of the movie.
10. You shall not envy my seat; you shall not envy my popcorn, nor my Raisinets, nor my soda, nor my leg room, nor my armrest, nor anything in my intimate, holy space.
1 comment:
Hee hee - I liked going to see the IMAX movie at Bradford with my mates but there was only three of us. I think if there was more then we'd be really annoyed. It got annoying by the end cos of other people though. Supposed to be seeing Son of Rambow next week at the movies and I'm fearing it - what if there's loads of horrible people there!? Eek...
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