Classroom Etiquette Series: Shut Up Already

A class is never completely quiet, even during exams--actually, these may be the worst days for noise. First of all, we can break the noisemakers down to categories: the jackhammers, the munchers, the rufflers, the snifflers, the drummers, and the buzzers. Let's break it down.

The Jackhammers
I'm convinced that everyone with a clickable pen competes for a spot in the book of world records. Whether it be for fastest clicks or most irritating pattern. They are the jackhammers constantly punching at my brain through my ears.

The Munchers
Most classrooms at my school have suggestions posted outside the doors which state, "NO food or drink in classroom." This sheet of paper does not prove intimidating, at least not when a bag of chips and soda from the nearest campus eatery puts a student out 6 bucks. Thus begins the crunching, crinkling, fizzing, and gulping.

The Rufflers
These are the ones who peruse pages on the test or in a notebook (or a light porn magazine disguised as a notebook). At the rate the rufflers flip through their materials, I'm torn as to whether these people have amazing speed reading ability or just ADD.

The Snifflers
I understand that most people think that blowing snot out of their faces seems disgusting and quite unattractive. Well, these people are right. However, what's more irritating is the constant sniffles that attempt to keep mucus in the head. Please just excuse yourself to the restroom to release it or something. Stop waking me from my precious day dreams.

The Drummers
A desk is not combination writing surface/drum pad. Don't practice beats in class. While I do appreciate the attempt to jazz up the professor's lecture, but it doesn't work. Get all that energy out in a Rock Band session or on a roommate's head.

The Buzzers
OMFG, Ms. Popularity must keep up on the 411 at all times. Granted, these buzzers are mildly respectful--they'll usually put their phones on vibrate. However, the buzzers don't just text once. No, a cycle of buzzing, typing, and repeating ensues.

So while the occasional text message or bag of chips isn't so bad, the chorus of the above groups gets really irritating. So shut up already!